Nighthawks by Edward Hopper (1942) This painting hangs in the Art Institute of Chicago, and is one of most copied paintings around. Many copies are satirical in nature, or commentary on society at large.


Donny sits at the end of the bar. I’ve seen Donny around for years, usually sipping on his soft drink, maybe ordering a burger, Donny always has something to say.

It’s best to ignore Donny, but he rarely ignores you. Some people like to argue with him, but those poor fools, well, Donny tends to get the better of them.

“Yeah, hey Don, what do you know about politics? Huh? You’re just a real estate guy!” One patron will chuckle at him. Donny bobs his head, finishes his bite of his burger and calmly says.

“You ever put up a garage at your house? Remember all the red tape you went though? Try putting up a hundred million dollar building in NYC, then come talk to me about politics. Politicians? I eat those guys for lunch, when I am not having them over for lunch at Trump Tower.” Donny rebuts. The heckler just waves his hand at Donny, goes back to sipping his jack and coke, nursing his bruised ego. Donny? He has a point.

“Hey Don, I hear you rip off your vendors!” A woman says from across the bar. Donny bristles at that. He hates to be called a cheat.

“Think so? So if I bought you a porterhouse steak here, at this pub, and the cook gives you a plain hamburger, you going to complain?” He says to her scornfully. “That’s what I do, I buy the deluxe, the guy gives me cheap, and I’m the bad guy for complaining?” Donny says. The woman frowns, turns away. Mutters she still thinks it wrong.

“Yeah, you and Putin put a fix in!” Another Patron says. Donny shakes his head, he had fries in his hands, drops them to look at the guy.

“Really? You think so? Did they find that? No? no right? Stick it.” Donny says going back to his fries.

“Well, you tried to stop it!” The guy fires back.

“I was pissed! I knew it was crap, they knew it was crap, and I wanted them to knock it off! And to stop what? I wanted them to stop investigating something that didn’t happen? So, I’m that bad guy for that? What if the cops kept asking you questions about that bank you robbed?” Donny asks the guy.

“I didn’t rob a bank, don’t be stupid!” The guy says.

“Yeah well I didn’t steal an election, don’t be stupid! But it took them two years to say that, how would you like it if they took two years to say you didn’t rob the bank?” Donny asks him. The guy waves a hand and goes back to his drink.

“Why don’t you show us your tax returns?” Another female patron asks.

“Why don’t you show everybody yours?” Donny says. “No, better yet, maybe Nancy should say that all tax returns should be in the public domain? Would you like that? The government can show the world your tax records?” Donny asks her, she frowns at this. Donny puts his arms out wide, looks down the bar at us.

“Come on, like you people don’t know me! Like you haven’t see me around? What? Did I come out of the woodwork or something? I’ve had people investigating me for years, for this, or that. My life has been on every tabloid paper you could buy.” He says, then shakes his head, as he goes back to his meal. The bar grows silent, people are thinking.

“Well, you are going to lose soon.” The first heckler mutters as he stirs his jack and coke.

“Think so? Nah, they’re losers.” Donny says. “You know why I won? I had nothing to lose. What? My political career would be over if I lost? You think so? Might be Mayor of NYC, maybe ran for Governor. Even if I didn’t? I would just fade away huh? Sell the business, go retire on a golf course? Think that would have happened? No, that was never going to happen. I wouldn’t fade into obscurity like the others. What are the other 2016 Republican presidential candidates up to these days? You know, the ones out of office? Oh sure, you see them on the news now and again. They do their things. But what about past contenders? Name me three contenders on the Republican side from 2008? No? 2012? Remember them? You don’t do you? Politicians? They fade away, because not winning? Is losing. I was never going to lose, so…I won.” Donny says. I frown at this, he made another good point actually.

“Racist.” The first heckler mutters.

“Why would a racist work to improve Black, Hispanic, and Asian employment rates? Or work at the unfair prison sentences policies from past administrations? Why was Katrina Pierson my spokesperson? would a racist do that? Would a misogynist do that? And yeah, speaking of misogyny, I am so anti-women that Kellyanne, the first woman to successfully run a presidential campaign mind you, is my counselor. So yeah, label me a bigot, and a misogynist.” Donny said shaking his head.

“Well, you said…” The woman heckler starts.

“Yes I did, I say lots of things. So do other.” Donny says cutting her short. I narrow my eyes at him. He sees this.

“What? Got something to add Jonny?” Donny says to me.

“Well, um, yeah. You say a lot of dumb stuff on twitter, on the news, even at rallies. You seem to pick a lot of fights that I feel aren’t necessary. I think you like doing this. Ginning people up, pissing them off. I’ve noticed you had many opportunities to take a victory lap for your successes, but instead say or do something stupid to get people angry and forget about your successes. Not sure why you do that, nor how I feel about it.” I say to Donny. He frowns, nods in thought.

“I’m a businessman, I keep them guessing, tell them what I want, how I want it, and then negotiate to get what I need. Didn’t you want a businessman to run the country? Yeah, well now you have one. I’m not worried about my political career, nor how to stay in power for 20 plus years. Them? The swamp as I call them. They worry about staying in power all the time. It keeps them up at night more than I do. Oh, and how’s your 401K doing Jonny?” He asks me.

“Good.” I say.

“And there you go.” Donny says.

“But what about…” I start. But he is getting up, putting down cash for his meal, looks at me and winks.

“There will always be a ‘But’. Business is my thing, trade is my thing, growing an economy is my thing. But? Well now, you have the get the other guys, them, to help me out for that. Without them? But is going to continue for a long time.” Donny says walking by me and patting my shoulder.

“What about the wall?” Another patron calls out as Donny heads for the door.

“Trying! See you guys tomorrow!” Donny says and heads out of the pub. Yes, we will see him tomorrow, and for quite a while I think.



[This satirical conversation is the product of the authors vivid imagination. At no time has the author met, nor conversed with President Donald J. Trump, or of anyone in the political arena except for a few snarky tweets and Facebook comments. I have been to a séance where President George Washington was conjured, but I feel the young woman running the séance was being a bit dramatic. This blog, along with this post, are for entertainment purposes only]