The conclusion of the Mueller Report. The President is Human after all.
Posted on April 19, 2019
I want to think the President was sitting in the Oval Office, pen in hand, when the news dropped. Rod Rosenstein had appointed a Special Counsel. He drops his pen on the desk. Laces his fingers as he sits back and takes a deep breath, sinus issues and all, and then looks up. He is looking at the Oval Office, a place, for almost two years, he has fought hard to be at. He really isn’t looking at anything, but thinking. He looks at the nervous messenger standing in front of him, and says the most human thing a person can say.
“Oh my God. This is terrible. This is the end of my Presidency. I’m f’d.”
Of course it probably didn’t go that way. He was most likely standing in some West Wing hallway when he was told. A look of shock as the rumors and innuendoes from the campaign came back to haunt him. He knew what this meant. That the campaign rhetoric from the other side was being taken to a whole new level. These people were out for blood.
Democrats were most likely still pissed at his original support for the Birther movement. Karma is truly a female dog.
But it was this most human of reactions that is getting twisted by the News Media. Obviously this was an admission of guilt. Forget that for the next two years he would be under a microscope and emasculated in dealing with foreign governments. Putin would be sitting in his comfy chair, a glass of vodka in hand, snickering at the thought of Trump having to defend himself against moronic Facebook posts. It must have been hard to talk to Putin then.
“Vladimir, I want to talk to you about the Ukraine.” Trump would say. Putin snickers.
“Oh sorry Donny, I am watching MSNBC! This is hilarious!” Vlad says.
“About the Ukraine…” Trump would start. Peels of laughter.
“I can’t talk right now Donny! This is just too funny.” Click.
It’s a little hard to govern when everyone thinks you are a joke. Even harder when the News Media is calling you a Traitor.
Yet the human reaction to being investigated is normal. Kind of like us regular folk, being pulled over to the side of the road when we see those flashing red & blue lights. Hoping the police car is just going to pass us by, in pursuit of others, only to see them stop behind us. I’m f’d is our typical response.
Trump is probably not the only President to utter those words. I’m going to hazard a guess that others have uttered similar phrases.
Maybe President Taft. I don’t think it is a stretch of the imagination to think he utters such words. Like:
Get me out of this f’ing bathtub!
You can see that right? I’m sure you can. And now that I mentioned it? It is burned into you psyche.
General Washington probably uttered those now famous words. Repeatedly at Valley Forge, I am sure. He may have said something similar when crossing the Delaware River.
Can you guys row any f’ing slower? It’s f’ing cold out here!
Later when Washington became our first President, and sat in on Congressional discussion, he was reported to mutter as he left the chambers. This is f’ing boring. And never came back. Smart man, that President Washington, lucky for him CSPAN didn’t exist back then.
Some Presidents, we just can’t imagine doing that all too human reaction of uttering a profane word. Reagan? Nah! Carter? Unlikely. George H.W. Bush? Never. Clinton? I am sure he did. Lincoln? Wow, he had to. Probably didn’t, but if any man deserved the right to swear like a drunken sailor, Abraham Lincoln had every right to utter profanity.
William Henry Harrison was probably the closest to utter what President Trump said. After catching pneumonia after, not because of ,his inauguration and would die from his doctors well-meaning, but archaic, care. Was reportedly to utter this phrase on his deathbed.
“Oh my God, this is terrible. This is the end of Presidency. I’m f’d.”
This statement was not recorded on official records. But likely uttered by Harrison. “Get those damn leeches away” was also uttered hours earlier, but that is just hearsay. Seems that doctors played a bigger role in his demise than pneumonia.
Despite the theory that President Richard M. Nixon uttered a similar phase akin to President Trump. He was unofficially heard to have said ‘Well poop!’
When it comes down to it. Presidents, like the rest of us, are human. They get mad, scared, paranoid, and pissy. And of course, they can use foul language. We should not condemn them for their human traits, but be glad they exhibit them. After all, they are just people like us, not Reptilian Overlords.
Well, I hope they are not Reptilian Overlords.
[The opinions expressed here are from the authors vivid imagination. At no point did the author invent a time machine and heard past Presidents utter profanity. Nor did the author make some heavy investments in the stock market circa 1950 and is now moving to a tropical island to live out his dream of being a totally worthless rich beach bum.]